In Jin Moon
January 1984
Ye Jin Nim and Hyo Jin Nim unfolding a beautiful satin cloth inscribed with a poem by Father over their dear brother's chest.
I would like to thank True Parents for giving me this opportunity to speak on behalf of my family. As I stand here, I am speechless and I fell very unworthy and inadequate to paint this portrait of my beloved brother, Heung Jin Nim, with my words.
He was truly a magnificent person and I loved him very much. I had the great privilege of spending a lot of time with him because we went to the same public school together. Every lunch period he would take me to the woods and we would speak about our True Parents, our aspirations, our hopes and dreams, and what we could do for the world. Each time we went he told me that although they have other members all over the world, there is no one brave enough to defend our True Parents if a bullet came at them and take the bullet in their place. He told me many times that he was ready to do such a thing and he told me that he wished I could do the same. Every day I repented and said, yes, I could do that.
I spent so many years with him and we shared so many memories together so it is hard for me to think of a special topic to talk on at this moment. I feel if there ever was a cliche made especially for my brother, I believe it would be "heart of gold." He truly had a heart of gold. He loved his brothers and sisters. He loved Father and Mother and he really wanted to do so much for the world. I regret the fact that this evil Satan had to take my brother's unpredictable and glorious future away.
My brothers and sisters feel strongly that now we have to carry on his responsibility and we have to try two or three times as hard to make True Parents happy, and to take the place of my dear brother. Each and every one of us have so much to repent for, so much to think about. We all have to make a new determination.
Even through his death Heung Jin Nim taught me so many things about myself. I have learned how I have to be much more determined to live my life for God and for True Parents. I really pray that he is happy now, and although it will be difficult for me to imagine my life without him, I shall try my best to love my brothers and sisters, to be a true daughter for Father and Mother, and to really become a good example for all the blessed children and the church members around the world. I pray with all my heart that, just as Heung Jin Nim, I can really dedicate my life to this purpose, this dispensation for our True Parents and for God.
I learned so much through this experience but most of all I learned from our True Parents. When they came from Korea to the hospital, I expected them to hold Heung Jin Nim's hand, to speak to him, and cry for him. I thought they would cry to Heavenly Father to give their son life. I imagined they would come and pray to Heavenly Father to please save their son. But because Father has promised all of us that he is a public figure, and because he cannot be selfish even one minute of the day, even at the time my brother was dying, Father did not pray for his son. Instead he prayed that if God wanted to take Heung Jin Nim for a sacrifice, to please do so. He also prayed that if this was a sacrifice for the world, then he would gladly give up his son. But he said that if God felt that he was needed in this world to work in the dispensation, then he could gladly accept the blessing that God would give him.
In Jin Nim sharing her heart about Heung Jin Nim at Belvedere.
This prayer that Father offered to Heavenly Father really inspired and enlightened me. I knew that my parents were sacrificial people and selfless human beings, but I never thought at the crucial moment to decide life or death for their son, they would be sacrificial. Even I was crying to Heavenly Father to please give my brother life, crying that He can't take Heung Jin Nim away from me. I told Heavenly Father just how much I loved my brother and that it was not fair for Satan to do such an incredible, unbelievable thing. In many ways I wanted Father to cry to Heavenly Father and ask for Heung Jin Nim to live, because at that moment I felt Father and Mother were the only ones who could ask God for his life.
Yet throughout the entire ceremony, Father never cried a tear and he surrendered my brother to Heavenly Father with gratitude and a thankful mind. When my brother stopped breathing, I could not imagine that God had given such great True Parents to us, unworthy us. I felt very determined that we really have to learn from their example and that every minute, every hour and every day with them is so precious. I also felt that time never waits for us and simply builds the Kingdom of Heaven by itself. I realized that we really have to put our blood, sweat and effort into this restoration. At the hospital all my brothers and sisters pledged to Father that we will try our best.
My heart is aching with pain because I realized so late how stupid I am for not realizing how I have been wasting my life, and how I have been taking True Parents for granted until this incident happened. I feel so guilty. I think each of us has our own guilt. Satan wants us to be idle; he wants us to cry and grieve over my brother's death, but I tell each of you that we must become stronger and we must become more united and we must really put our heads together to pray for and support our True Parents.
If this is the sorrow we feel now, then we must think of how much God has suffered for 6,000 years, watching His champions fall each time with failure. We must try to understand God's heart and we must try to understand our True Parents' heart.
I know that Heung Jin Nim would want all of you to be reborn by this. I am sure that if Heung Jin Nim could change us through his death, he would be very happy, and I know that he will be proud of each and every one of us if we make the determination and really pledge to True Parents that we are willing to dedicate our lives and our efforts to creating a Kingdom of Heaven, which our Heavenly Father wanted to see for such a long time.
I thank my beloved Heung Jin Nim. I thank him so much for teaching me, even at the time he departed from his earthly existence. I pray that he can give me strength to carry on my life until I meet with him in spirit world again. I really hope that each and every one of us can see what a true messiah Father and Mother are and what selfless hearts they have.
I want all of us never to forget Heung Jin's heart of gold. That is one thing that will never be taken away from my memory. I will remember, too, his generosity, his love for his family, and his determination to unite the blessed children. We must become strong pillars for our True Parents, to protect True Parents with our tears and our prayers so that this kind of thing will never happen again.
I thank all of you. I thank Father. I thank Heung Jin Nim. I also thank Heavenly Father. I really hope that this moment we can really pledge to our True Parents, to Heung Jin Nim and our Heavenly Father with our new determination and our new dedication. Thank you.